Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
