alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
