i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
