I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
