You smell like a Billy Joel song
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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