kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
