Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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