I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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