If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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