I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
