Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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