This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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