I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
