i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
