I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
