Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
