please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
