It's just like the Real World with babies
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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