I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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