is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
