You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
