this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Found the puke drawer
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
