sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
