So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Shame - the story of my life.
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