If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
