she smelled like a LAN party
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
