If that was your dad, he is hot
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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