His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
