So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm like, not good at living.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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