thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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