Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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