He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
