There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
