So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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