Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
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once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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