drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
