So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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