just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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