The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
