if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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