i was born a porn star she said
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
