I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
