she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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