So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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