were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
