no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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