Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
