She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
