How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
