I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
