so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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