So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
