i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
