I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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