I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
