The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
