Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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