Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
