Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
