Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
