Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
