Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
