Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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