things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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