I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my being single is dangerous.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
