ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This toilet bowl is my home.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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