my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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