I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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