I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
